Google Malaise

A friend of mine queried me the other day "have you ever Googled someone from your past?"

It was my assumption that everyone has done this. Even before there was Google, back when you pulled up yahoo.com on your Netscape browser in 1996, one of the first things you did was search on your own name... So it has always been my assumption that everyone has Googled their ex, their high school BFF, highschool nemesis, childhood friends, teacher crush, that girl from across the hall in the dorm, their orthodontist, the eight year olds they babysat, and their co-counselors at the Calve Island summer camp...and most importantly, yourself.

I answered my friend honestly, "Of course. Who hasn't?"

She then continued with a recounting of events along the lines of "well, now he's married..." and she mentioned something about a magazine spread... and finally ended with "after I found out this stuff, I just felt sort of, I don't know, not so great."

Google Malaise *

It happens to the best of us. That generally insecure and somewhat dirty feeling we get when we Google someone from our past only to discover that they've recently been promoted, featured in a magazine spread, elected to public office, or run a 10k. Ugh. And what have we done? Well, besides sitting on our asses Googling exes and writing snarky blog posts?

But I think there's something we don't often consider - the only news that makes the internets is typically good news. Last time I checked there is no Nasty Divorce or Adultery section in the the New York Times. And anyone who has been sedentary for the last twenty years can safely assume their weight watchers failures will never, ever appear on the internet. And your high school classmate who really did end up like those anti-marijuana ads?, well he doesn't have internet access at his grandma's house, so there's no way he's showing up on a Google search.

And you also won't find birth announcements, tales of uneventful happy marriages, achievements in potty training, and years of service as a stay at home mom. These things somehow fly under the internet radar.

Anyway, I chalk it up to human nature. We are curious and it is there, so we Google. Nothing to feel bad about. And chances are, the snippet of life we can see on the internet is not the full story, and our private achievements are no less admirable.

* My spouse is one of the fortunate few who experiences Google Gloat. He has an ex who blogs about the excruciating minutia of her personal life (without anonymity, go figure) and sadly, very little she writes impresses him. But then again not much impresses him, so that's an entirely different post.

I got Medieval on the Svan

I took that sucker apart and got all up in its crevices in an entirely inhumane way. And now it is done. It is expunged of all dried yogurt, cheerio dust and petrified banana. It is Clean.

Today is the first day in a long time that I have had enough time to take on a project like the Crusty Svan. You see, I'm home this week with both children, playing Stay-at-Home-Mom. Our nanny has the week off, so I took the week off as well - I am on "vacation" (ha! or as the kids say, ROFLMAO!).

What have I done this week? Well, for one thing I have Cleaned the Svan.... What else? hmmmm

No, I did not scour the house (but I did teach T-Bone what a dust-bunny is). I did not create a weekly shopping list, or even plan a single meal outside of our standard stir-fry/spaghetti and meatball/steak and veg rotation.

But I did help T-Bone make a bird feeder in art class. I did go to the playground and Storytime. I did schlepp both kids out for lunch with Dad, and we even went on a walk or two. I did make T-Bone laugh her little ass off with a manic singing dog puppet routine. And I did rock Cargo* to sleep in my arms for almost all naps and bedtime. (Before you get too excited, I do not recommend regular rocking of baby to sleep - especially if you have two, but this week she is cutting two teeth and she just couldn't get over the sleep hump without the assist.)

So what's my point? Well, I guess my point is that after a week at home I feel like I accomplished nothing, but at the same time, I accomplished everything. Cleaning the Svan was just my tangible goal for the week. That thing was filthy and no one else was going to do it. Arguably its the nanny's job - and she did ask, however weakly, if the pads were machine washable...Well, no they're not. The cleaning instructions simply say "Whole-lotta Elbow Grease"...Ultimately it was up to me, to get it done.

And it feels amazingly good to get that sucker clean again. And it feels even better to make T-Bone laugh her little (it really is itty-bitty) ass off and make up songs that she asks for over and over again.

I have always known that staying home with children is harder than working - when I go to work I go on vacation. I sit on my ass and read email, have blustery conversations on the phone. I don't have to carry 50 combined pounds of child up three flights of stairs, I don't have to scrub any crusty food.

But at work, no one is laughing their ass off. Quite the contrary. Yes I get paid more to sit on my ass and send emails, but maybe the laughter is worth more to me?

I'm not really coming to any conclusion with this, but you see where it's going....

to be continued...

*We'll call baby #2 "Cargo" for now, because she rides in the cargo-compartment of the double stroller....

Excuse me, I'm trying to Live in the Moment

Since the birth of my first child, people have told me "enjoy it while it lasts, it goes by so fast!"

Well that first year with a baby didn't feel so fast at the time. But when we approached T-bone's first birthday, I knew what 'they' were talking about - that year flew by so fast our heads are still spinning. In fact the last 2 years are a complete blur.

The first years with small children are chock full of so many golden life nuggets its hard to savor any one moment. That, combined with the time-warp effect of sleep deprivation, make days, weeks, even months munge together and suddenly you're startled to discover that not only is winter over, but it's a year later and time marches on....

So yeah, time flies when you have kids. I think time flies in general as you get older, the relative length of one year being a smaller and smaller fraction of your overall life and what not...But does everyone, every stranger on the street feel compelled to remind me of this? Do I need to be reminded constantly that my children will grow up at light speed?

I used to be touched by these comments. If a man on the street said "they'll be off to college before you know it!" My heart would ache and I would respond with something meaningless but polite like "don't I know it!" And I felt thankful to be reminded to enjoy my children.

But today it occurred to me: I already am enjoying my children. In fact I was doing just that - enjoying my children - this morning. We were out for a pleasant stroll along the harbor when some guy brought me down like a lead zeppelin by saying "before you know it those girls will be back here with their boyfriends!" -- referring to the picturesque spot where we stood by the fishing boats.

It's kind of funny, but nine times out of ten it is a man that is giving this sage advice. Maybe that's because many men of older generations totally skipped out on their kid's childhood, and now regret not being more present when their kids were young, cats-in-the-cradle style? I don't know.

Well, today I decided I would rather not be reminded of the future, thank you very much. I am clearly enjoying my children as I snap their photo with the Pirates mascot in downtown Portland on a sunny Thursday morning. If they don't remind me that this will all be over before I know it, I might actually enjoy The Now even more.

If they really want me to appreciate my children while they are young, a simple "what adorable girls!" or "your beautiful children should be L.L. Bean models!" would suffice. Then I could just smile and say "don't I know it!"

Six Quirky Things About Me

Shockingly, I have been tagged. Shocking because I think I only have one reader. Yes, I have been tagged by my lone reader, MyInnerTeen (aka Toasty!!!!). Of course if you are lurking out there, and you have a blog, you are hereby tagged.

Anyway, I think it is a breach of webiquette to be tagged and not follow instructions to some extent, so I will do my best.

Six Quirky Things About Me:

1. I LOVE TO WHISTLE! Sorry Toasty! And not only do I love to whistle, but I am damn good at it. I think I can whistle three octaves so you could call me The Mariah Carey of Whistlers.

2. I can't sleep unless I have two special pillows* - the Tempurpedic, and a body pillow for snuggling. This is a holdover from my first pregnancy, and somehow it stuck. I try to take both pillows when I travel.

3. I love to eat the exact same thing for breakfast every single day. And it's not just cereal or pop tarts or toast, it's a crazy concoction-o'health: Oatmeal with soy milk, cinnamon, honey, walnuts, sometimes blueberries if they are in season, and a drop of olive oil. You can't fit more Superfoods into one meal. The olive oil was my Grandma's idea. She lived to 100, so I'm going to take her dietary advice pretty seriously.

4. I hate sleeping with the bedroom door ajar. I guess this is some primal nesting thing, because it feels like I'm too exposed to breezes and whatnot if I leave the door open.

5. I have a lazy eye, or I should say lazy eye-lid, but it is only captured in photographs. Not sure which eye it is, I think it's the left one.

6. I am freakishly lucky when it comes to raffles and gambling. In my lifetime I have won: A Ten Speed Bicycle (a raffle), A Free lunch (guessing the weight of a giant wheel of cheese), other shit I can't remember, countless payoffs of $50 and up from the slots, and $15,000 in keno. It was the very first time I had played keno. My husband and I were on the last leg of our return drive across country (going West). We stopped at some random hotel on the Nevada border, and we sat down for a late dinner before heading to bed. Of course the hotel restaurant had slots and keno going around the clock. I figured, what the heck, I'll put a dollar down. When I won the restaurant workers got all obligatory-excited for me, but after 10 hours of driving I asked if we could finish our meal before claiming the prize! I used the money to pay off my Honda Civic.

*An alternate name for this list could be "Six Ways I am Practically Indistinguishable from a Freaking Senior Citizen"


The Rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you.

2. Mention the rules on your blog.

3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours.

4. Tag 6 bloggers and link them. This is where I crash and burn.

5. Notify taggees by leaving a comment on their blog. Well, since I have no one to tag in person, consider this a public notice that you lurkers are all hereby tagged!